From the pages of "Almost Perfect"

"If you ever tell her I said this, I’ll deny it, but my best friend Sandra is a little crazy. Don’t get me wrong. I love her dearly, but that doesn’t change the fact that she’s just a teensy bit off-center. And I’m not saying that because I’m jealous of her perfect life. I’m saying that because Sandra writes letters to God on her computer, and then she writes His answers, and she believes He’s telling her what to write. I told you. But what’s worse is when her crazy ideas involve me, like last week when she had this ridiculous notion that WE should take ballroom dance lessons.


“C’mon Maggie, it’s not exactly bungee jumping. It’s not like I’m asking you to go live in an ashram for six months. It’ll be fun, and I really want to do this. I’ve always wanted to do this, Mags, you know I have. For my whole life.”

I wanted to hit the mute button on the phone and pretend I couldn’t hear her, but this was Sandra talking so I grabbed the curl behind my ear and started twirling it around my forefinger. You have to understand, Sandra and I met when televisions were in black and white, an apple was a piece of fruit, and suitcases did not have wheels. I’ll save you the math—it’s been more than fifty years. I’m not telling you how much more, okay? I will tell you that Sandra’s always been able to get me to do what she wants, but dance lessons? That was crazy even for Sandra. She was out of luck this time. Even I have limits...